New Year, New Blog.

I've sat here for almost an hour thinking of ways to start this blog post. So here goes!                                                            

For as long as I can remember, I've written a diary and have loved it. I never asked specifically for diaries when it came to Christmases or Birthdays, but I think my aunties and uncles thought it was a nice present to give a little girl, as they were often decorated with glitter and fairies, or little heart-shaped padlocks that emphasised the intended privacy that they were meant for. I never really thought about the element of secrecy that came with my diaries, I certainly never read them to anyone, or updated my friends on what I'd just written, but I'm sure my mum occasionally had a little nose though them as they were always next to my bed.

Those little diaries I wrote in my pre-teenage years set the foundation for my love of writing, and it became quite a therapeutic habit to jot down my thoughts and feelings when I didn't feel like airing them in physical conversation. I think I sometimes tried to copy the characters in storybooks who kept diaries, as some of my oldest entries start with 'Dear ...' I have no idea who I thought I was talking to!

Today, all those old diaries are kept in a pile and occasionally I sit down and open up a random page to be met with memories and stories that seem so insignificant now that I wonder why I wrote it.

And that is the point!

You see, those diaries are reflective of the age I was when I wrote in them, and as I'm growing up and experiencing different challenges, I find it really interesting to see that some of the thoughts I had when I was 8 are still very relevant to me now I'm 18. For example in 2009 my diary entries centred a lot around how I thought I should be behaving, what I thought I should be doing, or saying, or being when actually I should have just been focusing on being a 10 year old! In 2012 I touched on topics that accompanied me into the change from prep school to senior school such as having bad skin, being shy around boys, meeting new people. As I've grown up, I've written quite a lot about worries, boys, school, expectations, and most recently how my anxiety has gotten in the way of me doing things I want to do at University. Some diaries were left half empty, and some I ended up writing onto the back of, and although they don't all have the best handwriting-some were literally written in the dark because I didn't want to turn my light on in the middle of the night- or the most interesting stories, they did provide me with a lot of comfort as I transferred the jumble of words in my head onto the paper.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
So, I want this blog to act as my second diary. I want to write about things I'm passionate about; fashion, photography, exercise, food, family, positivity and empowerment but also thing I struggle with; anxiety, change, having a food intolerance, confidence, expectations and all the ways I have / am trying to manage them.

I won't necessarily treat it in the same way I have with my handwritten diaries, but as I'm learning more about myself and what I can and cannot do, do and do not like, have and do not have, I thought I'd see if I can help someone else, or if someone else can help me!

D

xxx