Lets Talk About : Freshers Week.

Get ready for a long read ...
I thought I'd write a post about Freshers Week in particular, because I don't think people speak honestly about it enough.

I've always been someone who worries a lot, and I knew I'd find it nerve-wracking having to make new friends in a new environment, but there was something about all these pre-conceived expectations that sent my mind into overdrive. I would google things like 'What is Freshers Week like?', or 'How to survive your first week at University', and the only things that came up were vague, overly positive messages such as 'Get involved!', 'It's the best week of the year' which is all great, but it actually made me MORE nervous because I kept thinking 'why am I not having the time of my life right now?'.

Don't get me wrong, I love socialising, and I kept thinking that if I'd had Freshers Week with all my old school friends I would've loved every moment, but there was nobody around to say 'It's ok if you aren't loving this week', or 'Hey, you don't HAVE to go out if you don't want to'. Thanks (not) to social media, I was constantly seeing Snapchat stories and Instagram posts of my friends all having a ball, and in reality, I really wasn't.

At our first introductory lecture I saw a group of girls who looked 'like me' so to speak, and introduced myself. This all sounds very normal and simple and the standard way to meet people, but honestly? My heart was pounding out of my chest, and I couldn't stop thinking about how I looked or if they thought I was nice. Anyway, we created a group chat, and got talking about what we were doing that week etc.

One of the girls lived quite close to my halls, and that evening she sent me a message asking if she could come with me to that evening's event as she didn't feel too comfortable with her own flatmates. I willingly agreed, as I too found my flatmates quite different from the people I usually hung out with at home.

My friend arrived in the evening just as I'd finished getting ready, and I finally felt relaxed at having found a friend, and happy with what I was wearing. Then our doorbell rang and we were greeted with two drunk girls yelling 'What's up b*****s!'

Looking back, it seems so stupid because I have been one of those girls before, drunk and confident with my friends, but when you're greeted by them without any of your old friends around you to give you a confidence boost, well, I was intimidated.

We followed the group downstairs to their flat for more pre-drinks, and I could feel my heart pounding like before, instantly regretting my decision, and overthinking about all the possible things that could go wrong. I started to really panic as we made our way down the stairs, and as we approached the door, I just had to stop and move to the side. It was the weirdest experience. I was all hot and clammy, my heart was racing and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I glanced at my friends face next to me and instantly knew she didn't want to be there either, so as I confessed that I really wasn't feeling it, and we both went back upstairs to my flat and talked for a few hours, basically getting to know each other.

We didn't go out to any other events that week.

The following night we met up at the student bar along with one of her other friends who like us, didn't want to go clubbing, and actually on the last day of the Freshers Events my own flatmates decided to stay in so we got pizza and went to bed.

So no. I didn't go clubbing in Freshers Week. And you know what? I don't regret it at all. That week taught me a lot about my anxiety and my boundaries and they just weren't ready to be pushed yet. 

University is about learning and studying for a degree, we all know that. But University is also about learning and studying about yourself, and in that first week I listened to myself and did exactly what I wanted to do, with the people I wanted to do it with. Why make yourself anxious, or stressed, or unhappy when there are plenty of other alternatives?

If you want to go clubbing, go clubbing! 

If you would rather go to a friends flat and chill, do exactly that and enjoy it.

I lay in bed those first couple of nights thinking of all the things I'd done wrong, and that my flatmates would think I was a complete recluse, or that I was boring and anti-social. But then I remembered that they'd only known me for three days, that there was a lot more to me then just going out clubbing, and most importantly that nobody knew me better than myself.

So, two weeks later I did go clubbing, with the friends I'd made from my course, and absolutely loved it like I knew I would. I can't tell you how good it felt to feel like me again.

Having anxiety makes you overthink to the smallest most insignificant degree, and the saddest thing is that it stops you from doing things you know you really love doing. What I learnt in that week is that just because you don't want to do something it doesn't change who you are as a person. You're still all the things that make you, you, you're still funny, and kind, and caring, and  loving, you still dance like a crazy person when you're drunk etc etc. You know who you are so why change!

University lets YOU be YOU.

So don't forget who YOU are.

Daisy 

xxx